At church a couple weeks ago the pastor said, "Worry is a misery we choose". I had never heard it put that way, but it really spoke to me. I am not a stranger to worry at all, even before fertility treatments and miscarriages. I grew up with a very manic step father. Everyday on the bus on the way home from school I would wonder which dad would be waiting for me; the fun, happy go lucky one, or the angry, mean one? It was so bad that at the age of 13 I was diagnosed with an ulcer and put on medication. Thankfully a couple of years later I got a boyfriend (that had a car!), then got a car and then a job, so I spent less and less time at home.
In my early adult life I really did well not worrying. I realized that I basically had no control over things so what was the point. That all ended after that very first miscarriage. My world was rocked and my naivety about pregnancy was gone. Every pregnancy after that I tried so hard not to worry that things would go wrong. I think I did ok, but worry was always around the corner.
Why do we worry? What good does it do? Can it change the outcome of anything? I'm sure we all know the answers to those questions. Worry really is a misery, or a prison. A place we choose that makes our lives even harder than they are. All of our lives would be so much easier if we could truly lay it all down at the feet of Jesus and believe with our whole heart that He is in control. Wouldn't it be so much better if in those moments of worry we could pray instead? I'm sure prayers are much more productive than worrying, and think of the peace your heart would have.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.