By: Rian
I got married when I was 20 years old. My husband and I had been together for over 3 years and I felt it was time. I know some people would say that was young, but I didn't care. I knew what I wanted and I was ready to be a wife and soon a mother. I had always planned to have kids when I was young. My mom was 18 when she had my brother and 21 when she had me. Because of that my grandparents are younger and my great-grandmother, who is 96, is still living. I wanted my children to know their grandparents and great grandparents. So when I got married I had a plan. Soon I realized that plan would not come to fruition because my husband was still in school and I was the main money maker, so having children was put on hold. We were finally ready right after my 26th birthday. We amazingly got pregnant really quickly. I always had this thought that it would be hard for me to have children because my cycles were so screwy. Sadly we would go on to lose that baby at 12wks. That was the day my life changed forever and my journey with infertility began.
Even throughout my 4 years of infertility I would still find myself making plans...if I got pregnant in this month then the baby would be born in this month, I can't go on that vacation because I will be too pregnant, I want to have my first child before I am 30... None of my plans ever worked out. I eventually had to admit I was not in control and I had nothing to do with when/if I would have a baby. It is hard to let go of that control when you are in the midst of fertility treatments. Taking medications, shots, having sonograms and blood work. Realizing that all you are doing and all the money you are spending may not end in a baby. But that is how it goes when you give your life to Jesus. He is in control, I guess He is really in control even if you don't believe in Him, but at least believing in Him means there is peace and grace and mercy.
During my infertility struggles I became pregnant 5 times and each time I lost a baby (my son had a twin). While in the trenches of my heartache and suffering I could not fathom how any of this pain would come to good. I tried my hardest (not doing very well many times) to believe that God's plan for my life was the best. Knowing that He wept when I wept and that He saw my pain. When I was at my lowest after my 3rd miscarriage I sought my pastor for some wisdom. He challenged me to give everything about my desire to be a mother, the good and the bad, to God. He even suggested that I physically do it. So I went out and bought a box and I decorated it all pretty. Anytime I had a negative test I would put it in the box and tell God that I knew He was in control. Whenever I had a miscarriage I would write about the pain and the heartache and put the note in the box and tell God that my life was wholly in His hands. I cannot describe how much the physical act of giving things to Him helped me. I would suggest that if you are really struggling that you give it a try, and I would love to know how it works for you.
Sadly I cannot tell you how or when your journey will end, only God knows those answers. But what I can tell you is that He does care and He does see your pain and heartache. He is always there for you. He is ok with you being mad at Him and maybe even screaming and shaking your fist. But that part of the grieving process must end and you must realize that His plan is the best plan, even if our earthly eyes cannot see it.
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
___________________________________________________
Tiffany offered for me to link to her Infertility Support page on her blog, so I've added a link to it on the "Resources" tab. It is a list of infertility blogs, from women struggling with it, to women who have beat it. I'm sure you can find all the support you need from these amazing women! Thanks, girl!!
Showing posts with label Rian's writings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rian's writings. Show all posts
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Grace
By: Rian
I have been reading Leviticus lately. Have you ever read that book? If not you really should. It is quite fascinating all that God tells Moses and the Israelites. The book is about "the law", which was a huge list of rules that the Israelites had to live by to prove their love to God. There were consequences for breaking the law, sometimes even death. The law is very thorough. It amazes me how specific it is. Here are a few versus from Leviticus 12.
"The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Say to the Israelites: 'A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period. 3 On the eighth day the boy is to be circumcised. 4 Then the woman must wait 33 days to be purified from her bleeding. She must not touch anything sacred or go to the sanctuary until the days of her purification are over. 5 If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean, as during her period. Then she must wait 66 days to be purified from her bleeding."
This is just a little snippet of the book. There are much more in depth parts of the law. My point here is that the Israelites were not "saved by grace" like we are, they were bound by the law. They had to know it and live by it every day. Thank you Jesus that is not the case today!!!
Have you ever just sat in awe of God's grace? Have you ever really pondered the meaning of God's grace? Grace is one of my favorite words, actually it is what I will probably name a future daughter (when/if God blesses me with one!!). First off, let's look at the definition of grace. Dictionary.com says, "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God". How wonderful!!! From this it looks as though I do nothing to deserve God's grace, He chooses to freely give it to me in spite of who I am. That is wonderful, considering I would never be good enough to earn it. That is why God sent Jesus to save us, people couldn't live by the law. People are inherently flawed and sin. God knew the only way He could save us from eternal damnation was through sacrificing His son. Ok that seriously is the best news ever! I say all this to remind you to think about God's grace for you. He loves you unconditionally and forever. There is nothing you can ever do to make Him stop loving you!! He is always here for you in the moment of your pain and heartache and He will love you like no one else can.
I leave you with one of my all time favorite songs. The lyrics to this song are so true, and beautiful and they make my soul sing. I have bolded the best part. I hope they move you like they move me and they speak of God's grace and unending love to your soul.
How He Loves Us
David Crowder Band
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…"
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
I have been reading Leviticus lately. Have you ever read that book? If not you really should. It is quite fascinating all that God tells Moses and the Israelites. The book is about "the law", which was a huge list of rules that the Israelites had to live by to prove their love to God. There were consequences for breaking the law, sometimes even death. The law is very thorough. It amazes me how specific it is. Here are a few versus from Leviticus 12.
"The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Say to the Israelites: 'A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period. 3 On the eighth day the boy is to be circumcised. 4 Then the woman must wait 33 days to be purified from her bleeding. She must not touch anything sacred or go to the sanctuary until the days of her purification are over. 5 If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean, as during her period. Then she must wait 66 days to be purified from her bleeding."
This is just a little snippet of the book. There are much more in depth parts of the law. My point here is that the Israelites were not "saved by grace" like we are, they were bound by the law. They had to know it and live by it every day. Thank you Jesus that is not the case today!!!
Have you ever just sat in awe of God's grace? Have you ever really pondered the meaning of God's grace? Grace is one of my favorite words, actually it is what I will probably name a future daughter (when/if God blesses me with one!!). First off, let's look at the definition of grace. Dictionary.com says, "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God". How wonderful!!! From this it looks as though I do nothing to deserve God's grace, He chooses to freely give it to me in spite of who I am. That is wonderful, considering I would never be good enough to earn it. That is why God sent Jesus to save us, people couldn't live by the law. People are inherently flawed and sin. God knew the only way He could save us from eternal damnation was through sacrificing His son. Ok that seriously is the best news ever! I say all this to remind you to think about God's grace for you. He loves you unconditionally and forever. There is nothing you can ever do to make Him stop loving you!! He is always here for you in the moment of your pain and heartache and He will love you like no one else can.
I leave you with one of my all time favorite songs. The lyrics to this song are so true, and beautiful and they make my soul sing. I have bolded the best part. I hope they move you like they move me and they speak of God's grace and unending love to your soul.
How He Loves Us
David Crowder Band
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…"
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Worry
By: Rian
At church a couple weeks ago the pastor said, "Worry is a misery we choose". I had never heard it put that way, but it really spoke to me. I am not a stranger to worry at all, even before fertility treatments and miscarriages. I grew up with a very manic step father. Everyday on the bus on the way home from school I would wonder which dad would be waiting for me; the fun, happy go lucky one, or the angry, mean one? It was so bad that at the age of 13 I was diagnosed with an ulcer and put on medication. Thankfully a couple of years later I got a boyfriend (that had a car!), then got a car and then a job, so I spent less and less time at home.
In my early adult life I really did well not worrying. I realized that I basically had no control over things so what was the point. That all ended after that very first miscarriage. My world was rocked and my naivety about pregnancy was gone. Every pregnancy after that I tried so hard not to worry that things would go wrong. I think I did ok, but worry was always around the corner.
Why do we worry? What good does it do? Can it change the outcome of anything? I'm sure we all know the answers to those questions. Worry really is a misery, or a prison. A place we choose that makes our lives even harder than they are. All of our lives would be so much easier if we could truly lay it all down at the feet of Jesus and believe with our whole heart that He is in control. Wouldn't it be so much better if in those moments of worry we could pray instead? I'm sure prayers are much more productive than worrying, and think of the peace your heart would have.
Matthew 6:25-34
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
At church a couple weeks ago the pastor said, "Worry is a misery we choose". I had never heard it put that way, but it really spoke to me. I am not a stranger to worry at all, even before fertility treatments and miscarriages. I grew up with a very manic step father. Everyday on the bus on the way home from school I would wonder which dad would be waiting for me; the fun, happy go lucky one, or the angry, mean one? It was so bad that at the age of 13 I was diagnosed with an ulcer and put on medication. Thankfully a couple of years later I got a boyfriend (that had a car!), then got a car and then a job, so I spent less and less time at home.
In my early adult life I really did well not worrying. I realized that I basically had no control over things so what was the point. That all ended after that very first miscarriage. My world was rocked and my naivety about pregnancy was gone. Every pregnancy after that I tried so hard not to worry that things would go wrong. I think I did ok, but worry was always around the corner.
Why do we worry? What good does it do? Can it change the outcome of anything? I'm sure we all know the answers to those questions. Worry really is a misery, or a prison. A place we choose that makes our lives even harder than they are. All of our lives would be so much easier if we could truly lay it all down at the feet of Jesus and believe with our whole heart that He is in control. Wouldn't it be so much better if in those moments of worry we could pray instead? I'm sure prayers are much more productive than worrying, and think of the peace your heart would have.
Matthew 6:25-34
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
Monday, December 14, 2009
When Tears Fall
By: Rian
I feel that sometimes christians think they are above suffering. I mean, Jesus suffered and died for us so we could have this happy, go lucky life...right? Fortunately that is not the case. Even though Jesus died for us we still live in a fallen and sinful world. A world where bad things happen to good people every minute of every day. A world that is so hard and so cold most of the time, I'm not sure how any of us stay hopeful for the future.
I just know that God is good ALL THE TIME!!! Even when our life circumstances don't seem to prove it. I know we all have questions that we would love for Him to answer, but that is where faith comes into the picture. We have faith that God is in control and that one day we will get the answers to those questions. For now we must remember that He is good and that He will NEVER leave or forsake us.
Below are lyrics from a song by Tim Hughes. One of my very best friends played this song when the women of my church were having a prayer meeting for me. So many nights I would lay in bed with my ipod and listen to this song as I cried. These words were and still are the cry of my heart. When I didn't know what to say to God Tim Hughes said it for me.
When Tears Fall
I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
but theres one thing that I'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true.
When hope is lost, I'll call you savior
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
In the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more
When hope is lost, I'll call you savior
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I will praise you, I will praise you
when the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still I will sing
When hope is lost, I'll call you savior
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, i have known pain
but theres one thing, that i'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true
When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I will praise you, I will praise you
when the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still I will sing X2
When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
I feel that sometimes christians think they are above suffering. I mean, Jesus suffered and died for us so we could have this happy, go lucky life...right? Fortunately that is not the case. Even though Jesus died for us we still live in a fallen and sinful world. A world where bad things happen to good people every minute of every day. A world that is so hard and so cold most of the time, I'm not sure how any of us stay hopeful for the future.
I just know that God is good ALL THE TIME!!! Even when our life circumstances don't seem to prove it. I know we all have questions that we would love for Him to answer, but that is where faith comes into the picture. We have faith that God is in control and that one day we will get the answers to those questions. For now we must remember that He is good and that He will NEVER leave or forsake us.
Below are lyrics from a song by Tim Hughes. One of my very best friends played this song when the women of my church were having a prayer meeting for me. So many nights I would lay in bed with my ipod and listen to this song as I cried. These words were and still are the cry of my heart. When I didn't know what to say to God Tim Hughes said it for me.
When Tears Fall
I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
but theres one thing that I'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true.
When hope is lost, I'll call you savior
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
In the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more
When hope is lost, I'll call you savior
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I will praise you, I will praise you
when the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still I will sing
When hope is lost, I'll call you savior
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, i have known pain
but theres one thing, that i'll cling to
you are faithful, Jesus your true
When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
I will praise you, I will praise you
when the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus praise you
Through the suffereing still I will sing X2
When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
Friday, November 20, 2009
New guest writer!
I am so happy to post this! This is Rian, she is a new guest writer for Safe Haven. This is her first post, just a little bit of who she is and what she has been through. I hope you enjoy this, and I look forward to much more to come!
Hi everyone, my name is Rian. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We started trying to conceive in December of 2004. We quickly became pregnant, much to my surprise. At my 12wk ultrasound I found out the baby had stopped growing at 10.5wks. I was devestated. I really didn't know how I would go on living. My dream of being a mother had been stolen from me. That was just the beginning of my journey to start a family. Over the next 4 years I would see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, be diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), do 8 rounds of clomid and suffer 3 more miscarriages. Then in February of 2008 I became pregnant again after an IUI with injectible medication. Of course I was on pins and needles the whole time. I had weekly sonograms to check the baby and everything always looked great. At 8wks4days I passed out while getting ready for work. My husband called 911 and I was rushed to the hospital. I was in the worst pain I had ever been in in my entire life. Eventually I was taken to emergency surgery. I had what they call a Heterotopic pregnancy. In my case I had a baby in the uterus and one in my right tube. My tube had burst and my abdomen was full of blood. As I type this I am just flooded with how good God really is. It is only by His grace that the baby in my uterus was unharmed and continued to grow and thrive. My son was born 11-17-2008.
I am not going to lie to you and say that I enjoyed my journey to motherhood, because I didn't. But if I had to do it over again I don't know if I would change anything. Yes those were the worst 4 years of my life, and yes it would be wonderful if I never had to lose a child, but those years taught me so much. I know that the woman and mother I am today is because of all the pain and suffering I endured. God is using all of those experiences for His good. I always tried to remember that He had a plan, somewhere, somehow. That was not always easy and I did have my moments of depression and anger. The verse that helped me most is Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
I had to realize that my hope was in Him. Not in modern medicine and fertility treatments. Not in timing everything just right. Not in having a baby and being a mother. Not in this world, but in HIM. He had a plan for my life. And regardless of what my heart wanted His plan was better than mine. My hope was that the life he wanted me to live would bring glory to Him and His kingdom. That is still my hope and my heart's desire.
Now that my son is here I can see some of God's plan working. My son was born with such an amazing testimony. He truly is a miracle. I love to tell the story of my journey and of his time in my womb. I love the glory that it brings to God. It is only by His grace that my son survived all that we went through. Emergency surgery, tons of anestheia and drugs and he is perfect. I am so excited to see the plan that God has for him. I truly believe that with a beginning like his that God has mighty things for him to do.
This world is such a dark and cold place. So many mothers, children and families have to endure so much pain and heartache. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming for me to even think about. I pray that you can have His hope in the face of your sufferings. That you can trust in Him and His plan for you and your life and the life of your family and children. He truly is good and He will not let your pain and heartache be for nothing.
I leave you with a couple verses that I hope will bring you some hope and peace.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
Hi everyone, my name is Rian. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We started trying to conceive in December of 2004. We quickly became pregnant, much to my surprise. At my 12wk ultrasound I found out the baby had stopped growing at 10.5wks. I was devestated. I really didn't know how I would go on living. My dream of being a mother had been stolen from me. That was just the beginning of my journey to start a family. Over the next 4 years I would see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, be diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), do 8 rounds of clomid and suffer 3 more miscarriages. Then in February of 2008 I became pregnant again after an IUI with injectible medication. Of course I was on pins and needles the whole time. I had weekly sonograms to check the baby and everything always looked great. At 8wks4days I passed out while getting ready for work. My husband called 911 and I was rushed to the hospital. I was in the worst pain I had ever been in in my entire life. Eventually I was taken to emergency surgery. I had what they call a Heterotopic pregnancy. In my case I had a baby in the uterus and one in my right tube. My tube had burst and my abdomen was full of blood. As I type this I am just flooded with how good God really is. It is only by His grace that the baby in my uterus was unharmed and continued to grow and thrive. My son was born 11-17-2008.
I am not going to lie to you and say that I enjoyed my journey to motherhood, because I didn't. But if I had to do it over again I don't know if I would change anything. Yes those were the worst 4 years of my life, and yes it would be wonderful if I never had to lose a child, but those years taught me so much. I know that the woman and mother I am today is because of all the pain and suffering I endured. God is using all of those experiences for His good. I always tried to remember that He had a plan, somewhere, somehow. That was not always easy and I did have my moments of depression and anger. The verse that helped me most is Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
I had to realize that my hope was in Him. Not in modern medicine and fertility treatments. Not in timing everything just right. Not in having a baby and being a mother. Not in this world, but in HIM. He had a plan for my life. And regardless of what my heart wanted His plan was better than mine. My hope was that the life he wanted me to live would bring glory to Him and His kingdom. That is still my hope and my heart's desire.
Now that my son is here I can see some of God's plan working. My son was born with such an amazing testimony. He truly is a miracle. I love to tell the story of my journey and of his time in my womb. I love the glory that it brings to God. It is only by His grace that my son survived all that we went through. Emergency surgery, tons of anestheia and drugs and he is perfect. I am so excited to see the plan that God has for him. I truly believe that with a beginning like his that God has mighty things for him to do.
This world is such a dark and cold place. So many mothers, children and families have to endure so much pain and heartache. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming for me to even think about. I pray that you can have His hope in the face of your sufferings. That you can trust in Him and His plan for you and your life and the life of your family and children. He truly is good and He will not let your pain and heartache be for nothing.
I leave you with a couple verses that I hope will bring you some hope and peace.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
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After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
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