I am so happy to post this! This is Rian, she is a new guest writer for Safe Haven. This is her first post, just a little bit of who she is and what she has been through. I hope you enjoy this, and I look forward to much more to come!
Hi everyone, my name is Rian. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We started trying to conceive in December of 2004. We quickly became pregnant, much to my surprise. At my 12wk ultrasound I found out the baby had stopped growing at 10.5wks. I was devestated. I really didn't know how I would go on living. My dream of being a mother had been stolen from me. That was just the beginning of my journey to start a family. Over the next 4 years I would see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, be diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), do 8 rounds of clomid and suffer 3 more miscarriages. Then in February of 2008 I became pregnant again after an IUI with injectible medication. Of course I was on pins and needles the whole time. I had weekly sonograms to check the baby and everything always looked great. At 8wks4days I passed out while getting ready for work. My husband called 911 and I was rushed to the hospital. I was in the worst pain I had ever been in in my entire life. Eventually I was taken to emergency surgery. I had what they call a Heterotopic pregnancy. In my case I had a baby in the uterus and one in my right tube. My tube had burst and my abdomen was full of blood. As I type this I am just flooded with how good God really is. It is only by His grace that the baby in my uterus was unharmed and continued to grow and thrive. My son was born 11-17-2008.
I am not going to lie to you and say that I enjoyed my journey to motherhood, because I didn't. But if I had to do it over again I don't know if I would change anything. Yes those were the worst 4 years of my life, and yes it would be wonderful if I never had to lose a child, but those years taught me so much. I know that the woman and mother I am today is because of all the pain and suffering I endured. God is using all of those experiences for His good. I always tried to remember that He had a plan, somewhere, somehow. That was not always easy and I did have my moments of depression and anger. The verse that helped me most is Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
I had to realize that my hope was in Him. Not in modern medicine and fertility treatments. Not in timing everything just right. Not in having a baby and being a mother. Not in this world, but in HIM. He had a plan for my life. And regardless of what my heart wanted His plan was better than mine. My hope was that the life he wanted me to live would bring glory to Him and His kingdom. That is still my hope and my heart's desire.
Now that my son is here I can see some of God's plan working. My son was born with such an amazing testimony. He truly is a miracle. I love to tell the story of my journey and of his time in my womb. I love the glory that it brings to God. It is only by His grace that my son survived all that we went through. Emergency surgery, tons of anestheia and drugs and he is perfect. I am so excited to see the plan that God has for him. I truly believe that with a beginning like his that God has mighty things for him to do.
This world is such a dark and cold place. So many mothers, children and families have to endure so much pain and heartache. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming for me to even think about. I pray that you can have His hope in the face of your sufferings. That you can trust in Him and His plan for you and your life and the life of your family and children. He truly is good and He will not let your pain and heartache be for nothing.
I leave you with a couple verses that I hope will bring you some hope and peace.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.