By: Rian
I got married when I was 20 years old. My husband and I had been together for over 3 years and I felt it was time. I know some people would say that was young, but I didn't care. I knew what I wanted and I was ready to be a wife and soon a mother. I had always planned to have kids when I was young. My mom was 18 when she had my brother and 21 when she had me. Because of that my grandparents are younger and my great-grandmother, who is 96, is still living. I wanted my children to know their grandparents and great grandparents. So when I got married I had a plan. Soon I realized that plan would not come to fruition because my husband was still in school and I was the main money maker, so having children was put on hold. We were finally ready right after my 26th birthday. We amazingly got pregnant really quickly. I always had this thought that it would be hard for me to have children because my cycles were so screwy. Sadly we would go on to lose that baby at 12wks. That was the day my life changed forever and my journey with infertility began.
Even throughout my 4 years of infertility I would still find myself making plans...if I got pregnant in this month then the baby would be born in this month, I can't go on that vacation because I will be too pregnant, I want to have my first child before I am 30... None of my plans ever worked out. I eventually had to admit I was not in control and I had nothing to do with when/if I would have a baby. It is hard to let go of that control when you are in the midst of fertility treatments. Taking medications, shots, having sonograms and blood work. Realizing that all you are doing and all the money you are spending may not end in a baby. But that is how it goes when you give your life to Jesus. He is in control, I guess He is really in control even if you don't believe in Him, but at least believing in Him means there is peace and grace and mercy.
During my infertility struggles I became pregnant 5 times and each time I lost a baby (my son had a twin). While in the trenches of my heartache and suffering I could not fathom how any of this pain would come to good. I tried my hardest (not doing very well many times) to believe that God's plan for my life was the best. Knowing that He wept when I wept and that He saw my pain. When I was at my lowest after my 3rd miscarriage I sought my pastor for some wisdom. He challenged me to give everything about my desire to be a mother, the good and the bad, to God. He even suggested that I physically do it. So I went out and bought a box and I decorated it all pretty. Anytime I had a negative test I would put it in the box and tell God that I knew He was in control. Whenever I had a miscarriage I would write about the pain and the heartache and put the note in the box and tell God that my life was wholly in His hands. I cannot describe how much the physical act of giving things to Him helped me. I would suggest that if you are really struggling that you give it a try, and I would love to know how it works for you.
Sadly I cannot tell you how or when your journey will end, only God knows those answers. But what I can tell you is that He does care and He does see your pain and heartache. He is always there for you. He is ok with you being mad at Him and maybe even screaming and shaking your fist. But that part of the grieving process must end and you must realize that His plan is the best plan, even if our earthly eyes cannot see it.
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After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
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Tiffany offered for me to link to her Infertility Support page on her blog, so I've added a link to it on the "Resources" tab. It is a list of infertility blogs, from women struggling with it, to women who have beat it. I'm sure you can find all the support you need from these amazing women! Thanks, girl!!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Catching up......
Yesterday, April 24th, began National Infertility Awareness Week, and runs through May 1st. During this time, pray for our girls who are struggling with infertility, and maybe leave some encouragement on their blogs: Kristen, Tiffany, and Michelle. If you have anyone you would like to add to our pregnancy prayers list, please leave a comment with their info. Also, Tiffany is posting on her infertility journey this week, you can go check out her blog. She has some wise and encouraging things to say! Also, if you are posting anything for this special time, leave a comment and I will link to your blog!
Still praising the Lord for Rosie and Derek's new little blessing, Gavin! If you want to keep up to date on their little family, I moved their button to the "Miracles" tab.
Continue prayers for Avalon and for her doctors as they run tests to see what is causing her problems she has been having.
Remember Brayden during his doctor visit tomorrow, his counts were a little high.
Please pray for Brinley, there is a possibility she might have relapsed. Pray for her and her family too!
Gabe has pneumonia, please pray for a quick recovery for him.
Grace is wearing a patch on her eye to try and heal it so she will not need surgery, please pray for success and that no surgery will be needed.
Josiah has been sick, please pray for quick healing.
Pray for Lindsay, she has been in the hospital with pneumonia and RSV. She is home now, but keep praying for quick recovery.
Baby Luke had some issues with some very low sodium levels. He will be having an MRI in May to see if there were any effects in his brain, please pray for good results.
Pray for Tripp's eyes, he is still having lots of pain and swelling in them. Pray that they heal up soon!
Remember Dylan in your prayers, he has glaucoma, and it looks pretty bad. Pray that the drops he is taking will clear it up.
Jaxson's family is adopting a little girl from Eastern Europe, through Reece's Rainbow! Here is their adoption blog to raise funds to bring Makayla home!
Gwendolyn had a scare and stopped breathing, she is fine but the family is struggling to recover and stressed. Please pray for peace for them.
Keep Jonah in your prayers this week, he will be having surgery Thursday (the 29th) to have a g-tube put in. Pray for peace for his parents, and for safety. There are a lot of things that can go wrong for him during the surgery. Pray for protection!
Reagan's mother left this prayer request:
"I have a prayer request...
After 2+ years of nonstop seizures Reagan has been seizure free for 4 months (thank God). But a few days ago we saw some weird eye movements and then yesterday she did something that looked like a startle (or an infantile spasm). She did it a few times and then it gradually increased to every 20seconds or so. Very scary. Please pray that it's not seizures again. Some sort of neurological quirk I can handle, but not seizures."
Philip will be having two surgeries in the next few weeks, keep him in your prayers.
Pray for Veiyah and her parents as they make important decisions about her heart in the next few months.
NEW REQUESTS:
This is Chrissie, a little girl adopted from Eastern Europe. She was brought to the United States for a life saving heart surgery, and had her operation on the 19th, last Monday.
This is Lillian. She was born on March 22, 2010 with several conditions. She's already had one surgery to correct her diaphragmatic hernia (on April 7, 2010) but will continue to struggle with Turner Syndrome and Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. Lauren, Lillian's mother, is trying to be strong for her baby with the support of her family, friends and God. Lillian's father is not in her life. Currently, Lillian is at Texas Children's Hospital in the Level III NICU.
This is Tara, she lost her baby yesterday morning. He had a birth defect that prevented him from living life outside the womb. Please pray for this family during this very difficult time. I have added her blog to the "Angel Families" tab, under her little boy's name, Benaiah.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday
PRAISE!
Rosie had her little boy, Gavin, On Wednesday, the 14th. Praise the Lord for a healthy baby and momma!
Pray for Avalon, she is having more setbacks with headaches and increased pressure.
Please check Beckham's blog for some prayers requests for other children.
Brinley has been sick, and fighting fevers, pray for quick healing.
Please pray for Brody, he is having a lot of problems breathing.
Chloe will be having surgery on Thursday (22nd) on her spine, please keep her in your prayers.
Eden's momma is pregnant again. Please keep her and the little on in your prayers. With as many difficulties as she has had before, they need protection and health. I am moving her link to the "pregnancy prayers" category.
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I will try and finish the update tomorrow......sorry it's been so long.
Rosie had her little boy, Gavin, On Wednesday, the 14th. Praise the Lord for a healthy baby and momma!
Pray for Avalon, she is having more setbacks with headaches and increased pressure.
Please check Beckham's blog for some prayers requests for other children.
Brinley has been sick, and fighting fevers, pray for quick healing.
Please pray for Brody, he is having a lot of problems breathing.
Chloe will be having surgery on Thursday (22nd) on her spine, please keep her in your prayers.
Eden's momma is pregnant again. Please keep her and the little on in your prayers. With as many difficulties as she has had before, they need protection and health. I am moving her link to the "pregnancy prayers" category.
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I will try and finish the update tomorrow......sorry it's been so long.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Grace
By: Rian
I have been reading Leviticus lately. Have you ever read that book? If not you really should. It is quite fascinating all that God tells Moses and the Israelites. The book is about "the law", which was a huge list of rules that the Israelites had to live by to prove their love to God. There were consequences for breaking the law, sometimes even death. The law is very thorough. It amazes me how specific it is. Here are a few versus from Leviticus 12.
"The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Say to the Israelites: 'A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period. 3 On the eighth day the boy is to be circumcised. 4 Then the woman must wait 33 days to be purified from her bleeding. She must not touch anything sacred or go to the sanctuary until the days of her purification are over. 5 If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean, as during her period. Then she must wait 66 days to be purified from her bleeding."
This is just a little snippet of the book. There are much more in depth parts of the law. My point here is that the Israelites were not "saved by grace" like we are, they were bound by the law. They had to know it and live by it every day. Thank you Jesus that is not the case today!!!
Have you ever just sat in awe of God's grace? Have you ever really pondered the meaning of God's grace? Grace is one of my favorite words, actually it is what I will probably name a future daughter (when/if God blesses me with one!!). First off, let's look at the definition of grace. Dictionary.com says, "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God". How wonderful!!! From this it looks as though I do nothing to deserve God's grace, He chooses to freely give it to me in spite of who I am. That is wonderful, considering I would never be good enough to earn it. That is why God sent Jesus to save us, people couldn't live by the law. People are inherently flawed and sin. God knew the only way He could save us from eternal damnation was through sacrificing His son. Ok that seriously is the best news ever! I say all this to remind you to think about God's grace for you. He loves you unconditionally and forever. There is nothing you can ever do to make Him stop loving you!! He is always here for you in the moment of your pain and heartache and He will love you like no one else can.
I leave you with one of my all time favorite songs. The lyrics to this song are so true, and beautiful and they make my soul sing. I have bolded the best part. I hope they move you like they move me and they speak of God's grace and unending love to your soul.
How He Loves Us
David Crowder Band
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…"
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
I have been reading Leviticus lately. Have you ever read that book? If not you really should. It is quite fascinating all that God tells Moses and the Israelites. The book is about "the law", which was a huge list of rules that the Israelites had to live by to prove their love to God. There were consequences for breaking the law, sometimes even death. The law is very thorough. It amazes me how specific it is. Here are a few versus from Leviticus 12.
"The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Say to the Israelites: 'A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period. 3 On the eighth day the boy is to be circumcised. 4 Then the woman must wait 33 days to be purified from her bleeding. She must not touch anything sacred or go to the sanctuary until the days of her purification are over. 5 If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean, as during her period. Then she must wait 66 days to be purified from her bleeding."
This is just a little snippet of the book. There are much more in depth parts of the law. My point here is that the Israelites were not "saved by grace" like we are, they were bound by the law. They had to know it and live by it every day. Thank you Jesus that is not the case today!!!
Have you ever just sat in awe of God's grace? Have you ever really pondered the meaning of God's grace? Grace is one of my favorite words, actually it is what I will probably name a future daughter (when/if God blesses me with one!!). First off, let's look at the definition of grace. Dictionary.com says, "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God". How wonderful!!! From this it looks as though I do nothing to deserve God's grace, He chooses to freely give it to me in spite of who I am. That is wonderful, considering I would never be good enough to earn it. That is why God sent Jesus to save us, people couldn't live by the law. People are inherently flawed and sin. God knew the only way He could save us from eternal damnation was through sacrificing His son. Ok that seriously is the best news ever! I say all this to remind you to think about God's grace for you. He loves you unconditionally and forever. There is nothing you can ever do to make Him stop loving you!! He is always here for you in the moment of your pain and heartache and He will love you like no one else can.
I leave you with one of my all time favorite songs. The lyrics to this song are so true, and beautiful and they make my soul sing. I have bolded the best part. I hope they move you like they move me and they speak of God's grace and unending love to your soul.
How He Loves Us
David Crowder Band
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…"
___________________________________________________
After four years of infertility and five miscarriages, Rian was finally able to realize her lifelong dream of motherhood. She now spends her days raising her one year old son, caring for her husband and their home. She is also co-presiding over the Amarillo chapter of Resolve. Rian has a calling to minister to women who experience suffering and heartache.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Urgent request
Cathy left this request yesterday, please add Kristin to your prayers:
"On March 23rd, she was airlifted to North Memorial Hospital in Minnesota. Kristin had several blood clots in both legs, her kidneys weren't functioning, and she had an infection in her aorta. She was heavily sedated and time was given to allow her to heal on her own.
On Friday, April 1st, Kristin underwent her surgery to have her right leg amputated as well as a portion of her left foot. She doesn't know this has happened to her as she's been sedated since prior to her surgery.
At some point in time this week - it's looking like she will be allowed to wake up. Her doctors will explain to Kristin what has happened - and she will be surrounded by those who love her while they do.
Currently, she is still very much asleep in an effort to control her pain level. She is on direct dialysis (which runs 24/7) and her kidneys were still without much function.
I don't know much about the infection in her heart - but will find out and will keep you posted!"
"On March 23rd, she was airlifted to North Memorial Hospital in Minnesota. Kristin had several blood clots in both legs, her kidneys weren't functioning, and she had an infection in her aorta. She was heavily sedated and time was given to allow her to heal on her own.
On Friday, April 1st, Kristin underwent her surgery to have her right leg amputated as well as a portion of her left foot. She doesn't know this has happened to her as she's been sedated since prior to her surgery.
At some point in time this week - it's looking like she will be allowed to wake up. Her doctors will explain to Kristin what has happened - and she will be surrounded by those who love her while they do.
Currently, she is still very much asleep in an effort to control her pain level. She is on direct dialysis (which runs 24/7) and her kidneys were still without much function.
I don't know much about the infection in her heart - but will find out and will keep you posted!"
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Saturday
The Shuberts will be traveling to Taiwan tomorrow to finally meet their son! Please be in prayer for them during this time!
Faith is struggling with a lot of pain, please pray for her. Pray for a miracle!
Prayer requests for Gaines: weight gain, and for his lungs to get stronger.
Josiah's mother is getting tested to see if she is a carrier of Menkes, the disease Josiah has been diagnosed with. Please pray that it is negative.
Keep Kate covered in prayers as they are in Houston going through some new treatments.
Pray for Maddie, that her new medicine will help control her seizures.
Jonah has been sick the last few days, please pray for quick healing and that it doesn't go into anything worse.
Lydia's momma requested prayer for a little two month old boy, Brenon. He has a mass on his liver.
This other request was left in the comments:
"This morning (3/26) a 15 month old and his 5 year old brother were shot and killed by their father in Scottsdale, AZ. The father shot himself but is expected to live. He and his wife are going through a divorce and custody battle. I don't know if it is appropriate to add but I'm sure this sweet mother could use prayers on her behalf. The community where they live is heartbroken, as well as the family of these little boys. There are links to the story on www.fox10.com."
Faith is struggling with a lot of pain, please pray for her. Pray for a miracle!
Prayer requests for Gaines: weight gain, and for his lungs to get stronger.
Josiah's mother is getting tested to see if she is a carrier of Menkes, the disease Josiah has been diagnosed with. Please pray that it is negative.
Keep Kate covered in prayers as they are in Houston going through some new treatments.
Pray for Maddie, that her new medicine will help control her seizures.
Jonah has been sick the last few days, please pray for quick healing and that it doesn't go into anything worse.
Lydia's momma requested prayer for a little two month old boy, Brenon. He has a mass on his liver.
This other request was left in the comments:
"This morning (3/26) a 15 month old and his 5 year old brother were shot and killed by their father in Scottsdale, AZ. The father shot himself but is expected to live. He and his wife are going through a divorce and custody battle. I don't know if it is appropriate to add but I'm sure this sweet mother could use prayers on her behalf. The community where they live is heartbroken, as well as the family of these little boys. There are links to the story on www.fox10.com."
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